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Pros:
- You can hum along and if you mess up, no one knows.
- It makes you seem cool, kind of.
- What else are you going to listen to late at night on public radio?
Cons:
- I like lyrics and melodies.
- The saxophonist's solos are way too long.
- I can't tell if the jazz I am listening to is good or not.
Pros:
- It is easier than riding a prairie dog.
- Re-learning how to do it is just like riding a bike.
- There is a super cool ramp that someone built two blocks over and my second best friend Roger dared me to jump it.
Cons:
- Still can't ride with no hands for more than half a second.
- Pedaling is a chore.
- Hard to steer and text.
Pros:
- You look like you are going somewhere while standing in one place.
- Finally get to test out your new whistle.
- Otherwise, you would have to walk three blocks.
Cons:
- Not a lot of cabs out in the country.
- What if I didn't put deodorant on and I raise my arm up high?
- I don't think cabs are that great so I don't want to hail them.
Pros:
- They are HUGE!
- The movies about them are very emotional.
- They are gentle giants (except the killer ones, that is).
Cons:
- They steal all of the plankton.
- Some of them eat seals and people.
- Can't have one in my new apartment.
Pros:
- When they are babies, they are adorable!
- They stay to themselves mainly.
- They make cute squeaking noises when they run.
Cons:
- When they get older, they become scarier-looking.
- I can't remember if they are marsupials or not.
- They bite when you try to hug them.
Pros:
- I would have to swallow it otherwise.
- Makes me look cool.
- Improves my mouth-eye coordination.
Cons:
- Might step in it later.
- Ladies think it is gross (jealous?)
- Sometimes, my aim is off and it hits the inside of my car window.
Pros:
- Most hats are made for heads.
- You can stick your ponytail out the back.
- No one knows you are balding.
Cons:
- Wearing it to the side doesn't make people think I am gangsta.
- They push my ears down and make me look like Dopey.
- What if my hair wants to breathe?
Pros:
- It gets pretty boring just sitting on the porch.
- The wood shavings can be glued back together to make a stick.
- It takes me back to a time when men whittled.
Cons:
- Don't know what I am making, so it looks like I am just making a stick thinner.
- The knife keeps slicing through my skin.
- Ma is hollering 'bout something out back by the clothesline.
Pros:
- It is faster than using encyclopedias.
- I think you get a tax rebate.
- How often can you use something that flies through the air (other than oxygen)?
Cons:
- It turns out you do not get a tax rebate (just looked that bit up on the internet, actually).
- Now who is going to talk to the weird librarian?
- I don't have a printer, and I can't remember what I just looked up, oh no!
Pros:
- Lots of different flavors (some with Meat!)
- Anything baked in a circle is good.
- I have some whipped cream that is about to go bad.
Cons:
- Why not some cake?
- Unlike what my geometry teacher said, the circumference divided by the diameter is not equal to it.
- The whole idea behind pie is strange.
Pros:
- Using modern technology, the poles of today are longer and bendy-er.
- How else are you going to get from one bank of the river to the other bank?
- Way cooler than regular vaulting.
Cons:
- You try and carry that pole around all the time waiting for the chance to use it.
- Pole Vaulters get little love from the ladies.
- Pole vaulter is too similar to pole smoker.
Pros:
- You get a sticker.
- According to my grandpa, you get the right to complain about everything.
- Most people you vote for are human.
Cons:
- You should get more than just a sticker.
- What about randomly picking someone from a phonebook?
- You have to use a weird computer thingy.
Pros:
- The ocean is conveniently located right next to the beach.
- I long to wear a swimsuit.
- It's what rich people do.
Cons:
- The tide.
- Sand gets in my Hot Pockets.
- Nowhere to heat up my Hot Pockets.
Pros:
- It "envelops" things.
- You don't have to use it for mail, you can put apple slices in it, for example.
- They come in different sizes.
Cons:
- Apple slices don't keep too well in them.
- They do not do a good enough job of telling you where to lick to close the envelope.
- Can't ever remember how to put them in the printer so the address is printed right-side up.
Pros:
- Say this in a robot voice: "their voices are funny."
- Most of them are not evil.
- Factory workers are not good at working for hours on end with no breaks or water.
Cons:
- Some of them are evil.
- None so far can take a joke.
- I already own a vacuum and I do not own a factory, so most robots are useless.
Pros:
- In some cases, you don't even have to leave the house to watch DVD's!
- There are DVD's with extra material on them, like "Deleted Scenes!"
- Titanic is on DVD!
Cons:
- DVD's are NOT free and they require a DVD player to play them.
- Putting the DVD in the DVD player upside down will not play the movie upside down (thus enabling you to lay on your back and watch the DVD from an upside down position).
- Watching the DVD with the commentary on is confusing.
Pros:
- There are a lot of things in the store.
- Most of the things in the store are good to have in your house or in your car.
- The things are separated into different sections which makes things easy to find.
Cons:
- The Target brand cookies give me diarrhea.
- The Target brand candles are made of dead babies (a nice homeless man on a bench outside of the store yelled this at me as I walked by, so it must be true).
- The music section has too much Pop.
